All Falling Apart
by Rawrr Taiga
Summary: AU. A slip of three words, and Jude's world comes crumbling down. Can't anyone just give him a break? Contains strong language/blood/depression/M content in later chapters. (Jude/Jonesy) First story.
1. In sickness and in Health

6Teen

CH. 1. In sickness and in Health.

'_Ugh, my head..._' is all that ran through Jude's mind as he cracked his eyes open. He sluggishly brought his hand to his head as he sat up. "Damn, I don't feel good..." he mumbled to himself, glancing at the time. "Shit!" He yelped, shooting out of bed, '_I was supposed to meet with Jonesy an hour ago!_' he mentally screamed at himself, but as soon as his foot hit the floor, he was tumbling forward. He managed to grab hold of the wall, but the room just kept spinning and spinning. He felt his stomach churn harshly before he bolted out of his room and towards the bathroom. He threw the door open and tossed himself in front of the toilet just as his insides emptied themselves.

After God knows how long, he slowly pulled himself up and flushed the toilet. He went to the sink to rinse his mouth out, but as soon as he looked up at the mirror, he gasped gently. He looked horrible! His face was pale, he was clammy and he had dark circles under his eyes. '_Shit, I look bad... I really wanna head back to bed, but I promised I would help Jonesy get back with Nikki..._' He sighed, looking away from himself - Jonesy and Nikki had been dating for over a year, but Nikki ended the relationship a few weeks ago because she and Jonesy had a big argument over Jonesy not doing this and that, and her being a bitch to everyone. Jonesy was so depressed after that he isolated himself from everyone else. Then Jen had the oh so great idea to help get them back together, which Jonesy eagerly agreed to. Today was their Anniversary, and Jonesy decided to ask Nikki to marry him. Literally marry him! Caitlin and Wyatt were to decorate the area, while Jen got Nikki to show up. Jude helped Jonesy choose his suit, and agreed to look after the ring. Truth be told, he doesn't want to help them get back together. Why?

Because... Jude loves Jonesy.

Jude gradually managed to get himself back to his room so he could get ready to head out, though he didn't want to. He could always just call Wyatt and tell him he's sick, but... he remembered how sad Jonesy looked. How hurt he was. He couldn't cancel, even though he was already late. He got himself dressed as fast as he could, and scurried down the stairs. His parents had already left for work, so he was alone. He was about to rush out the door, before he remembered his phone. He cursed to himself, before heading to the sitting room to retrieve it. He reluctantly picked it up, and checked his messages. "Fuck... 12 messages, 3 missed calls." He mumbled, quickly checking through them:

**Wyatt: where r u?**

**Wyatt: dude, pick up!**

**Jonesy: ur late jude! i need your help!**

**Wyatt: will u pick up the phone?!**

**Jonesy: jude i thought you were helpin me out! wat the hell? u have the ring!**

Jude loudly sighed, closing his phone. He couldn't read the rest. Jonesy gave him the ring because he (Jonesy) thought he would lose it. Fuck sake! He's the sick one and now everyone hates him! His head was throbbing so much... and is it just him, or is it really hot? Growling to himself, he pushed the thought out of his head and grabbed the bag with the ring before leaving the house, the front door slamming behind him.

It didn't take long for Jude to get to the mall, but he sure as hell wasn't looking forward to seeing his friends. Once he was inside, he stopped to catch his breath. "I hope this ends well so I can get home quickly..." He moaned to himself, wiping his sweaty forehead.

He made his way over to the fountain, where the whole plan was to play out. As he got closer, he noticed his friends... Jen, Caitlin, Wyatt, Jonesy... "Shit... I'm too late..." Jude whispers to himself as panic arises in his stomach. His head immediately starts feeling fuzzy and it throbs painfully. He gulped loudly, continuing over to his peers. The silence was unbearable. The girls and Wyatt were staring at him, angry looks on their faces, but Jonesy was just staring down at the ground, his fists clenched. Jude took a deep breath, "I... I'm sorry... Jonesy, I'm so sorry, I-" He was cut off mid-sentence as Jonesy grabbed the front of his shirt and screamed in his face, "Shut the fuck up! Where the hell were you!? You were meant to be here, helping me win Nikki back! You had the ring!" He harshly pushed Jude back, Jude barely catching himself, "You just had to come and give me the fucking ring! What are you, fucking retarded? Because of you, you stupid, selfish bastard, Nikki will never take me back!" Something in Jude snapped. His head shot up and he screamed back in Jonesy's face, "Who gives a shit if she never takes you back!? She's a fucking bitch! She was always shitty to you, and you still went back to her like a wounded puppy!" Just as he finished his sentence, Jonesys fist collided with the side of Jude's face. Gasps could be heard as Jude fell back, landing harshly. He just sat there, shocked. Jonesy hit him. His best friend, his love, hit him...

Jonesy was panting heavily as he glared at Jude. Jude could feel his eyes water, and he quickly brought himself to his feet. He kept his gaze to the floor, as his body started shaking gently. "It's all your fault... I love her, you bastard..." Jonesy growls. Jude looked up at him, tears freely flowing down his flushed cheeks, "I love you..." He whispers, pain filling his voice completely. Jonesy's eyes widened as he stared at his friend, his mouth falling open, "W-what?" Jude stared back at Jonesy, more tears seeping from his eyes. He took a deep breath, keeping eye contact with Jonesy, "I love you."

There was pure silence, as looks were exchanged. Jude could feel bile rise up his throat. He just confessed. He just told Jonesy he loved him, in front of everyone. Jude could feel all his confidence, all his hope diminish as Jonesy gaped like a fish out of water. _'Why did I... you idiot...you ruined everything...' _Jude abused himself inwardly, his gaze retreating to the ground. His mind went numb, and it was so warm... he felt so tired. Jude felt his eyes beginning to droop as his body swayed. He wanted to sleep. He didn't feel anything as he body collapsed forward, because everything had already went black.


	2. One happy family

6Teen

CH. 2. One happy family.

His mind felt fuzzy. Why was everything so dark? What happened? He couldn't focus.

Groaning, Jude felt his eyes flutter open, his head throbbing. His eyes scanned the room, before the fact that it was his bedroom started to dawn on him. "How did I...?" Jude mumbled, dazed as he slowly sat up. He remembers he was at the mall and-... the mall! Jude's jaw dropped as the memory of him telling Jonesy he loved him played over, and over, and over...

After a few moments of internal screaming, Jude finally managed to pull himself from bed.

Jude had successfully scrambled his way down the stairs, when he heard voices coming from the kitchen. _'Mom and Dad are at work... maybe it's...' _Jude said to himself, hope filling his heart as he made his way over to the kitchen door. Once he made it through the door though, all his hope deteriorated. It was his parents. "Mom? Dad? What are you guys doing here?" He asked, confused. His parents looked at him. His father's gaze was as icy as ever, as his mother's look was as stern as ever. "Your friends called us... they told us you fainted." His mother's stoic voice replied. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, his father's gruff voice interrupted him, "If you hadn't been so reckless, going out when you were sick, none of this would have happened. I missed an important meeting because of you!" He shouted. Jude flinched at his tone, quickly hanging his head. "Useless child... always causing us bother." He heard his father hiss out as he practically shoved Jude out of the doorway. Jude glanced up at his mother, who just rolled her eyes at her son, before she too, exited.

A loud slam notified Jude that his parents had left. He stood in silence, his gaze steadily on the marble floor. This always happened. They always blamed him. Ever since he could remember, his parents have always been horrible to him. It didn't help that his parents always worked. It also didn't help when he gave up on school. In truth, Jude loves school. He's just tired of trying. What's the point? Everyone will just tell him to work harder, or that all he's doing isn't good enough. Nothing has ever been good enough. Even with his friends, he's the slacker – always has been, always will be, even though that isn't actually the case. If only they knew.

'_I'd hate to know what they'd do to me if they knew I was gay...' _He thought to himself, sorrow filling his entire being. Everything's going wrong – First his friends, and now his parents. What else?

Jude stood there for... he doesn't even know how long. Seconds, minutes... they just passed him by. He couldn't stop thinking about Jonesy – his face when Jude said he loved him. Was he disgusted? Does he not want to be friends anymore? _'All of this happened because of Nikki...' _Jude thought bitterly. Why did Jonesy want to marry her? Why not just get back together? They're only 18! Jude sighed, closing his eyes. He was so confused, but he decided to drop it for the time being. He needed rest, not stress. He turned, and made his way back to his room, where he slept for the rest of the day.

It was already dark outside when Jude woke from his slumber. He looked at his clock, "9pm. I should have a shower. Oh man, why do I have to have school in the morning?" He whined to himself, covering his face with his hands. He wished it was summer, but sadly, it was far off. He didn't want to face his friends. They must think he's disgusting, a freak...

Jude got up, and lazily went to the bathroom. Once inside, he locked the door and pulled his shirt off. After doing so, he made eye contact with himself in the mirror. He noticed the bruise forming from the punch Jonesy gave him. "Disgusting... maybe I am disgusting." He grumbled, looking away from his reflection, clutching his fists. Jude felt a sudden rush of anger, and without thinking, threw his fist towards the mirror, shattering it into a million pieces and impaling his hand in the process. All that could be heard was the shatter of the glass and of Jude's heart. Realising what he had just done, he gasped in shock as he pulled his hand back. Blood was flowing out through the tears in his flesh, and was dripping all over the sink and floor, as well as dripping from the broken mirror.

Jude just watched. He watched as the droplets rained from his hand, flooding the ground below. He didn't feel anything. He just felt numb. As if the whole incident hadn't of happened, he finished removing his clothes, before hopping into the shower. After he was done, he quickly dried himself and changed into clean clothes. He then grabbed the First Aid kit from under the sink, and bandaged his hand up. It was obvious he'd fucked his hand up, but... it's not like anyone would notice, nor care. Jude processed to clean up the mess he made, before he retreated to his room once again, where he slept until the rings of his alarm clock rung out.


	3. Change is good isn't it?

6Teen

CH. 3. Change is good... isn't it?

The buzzing of his alarm clock woke Jude from his restless kip. He roughly hit the clock, shutting it up. He pulled himself up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He rubbed his eyes with his uninjured hand before getting himself ready for hell. Making his way to the kitchen, he grabbed a quick bite to eat, made sure he had everything, then hurried to school on his skateboard.

Walking through the front entrance, he tried to hear himself think over the sounds of his fellow pupils and their shouting and laughter. He pushed his way through the various crowds, until he came face-to-face with his locker door. He popped his combo in, pried the old door open and tossed his skateboard inside before shutting the door again. He looked up at the lobby clock, and sighed before making his way to class. He had Biology first – his favourite, which surprised some. Jude isn't dumb. He's a genius – others just don't understand that yet. He felt slight relief from his worries knowing none of his friends are in his Biology class.

Time seemed to disappear as classes went on. Soon enough, History was next in line, and Jude was shitting himself. Nikki, Jen, Wyatt AND Jonesy were in his class! And he sat next to them! He made his way down the hall, taking note of some blood that had soaked through the bandage on his hand. The note, however, was quickly forgotten as he stood outside his History classroom. He took a deep breath, heading in. He went to his seat, near the back of the classroom, beside the window – And also beside Jonesy. He chucked his bag under his desk before sitting. Jonesy was already there, as was Jen, Wyatt and Nikki. Jen sat in front of Jude, Wyatt beside her, and Nikki was on the other side of Jonesy. His teacher hadn't arrived yet, so everyone was chatting away. Jude kept his gaze on his hands, on his desk, on his bandage, on the blood. He couldn't look up. _'What if the others are watching me? What do I do?' _As if his prayers for a solution had been answered, the teacher arrived, telling everyone to be quiet and to take out their books.

Jude all but ran out of the class once the bell rang. He had managed to avoid contact with any of his friends. He went to the lunchroom, and feeling peckish he dug some change out of his pocket to buy lunch. He grabbed some items, paid for them, and then began looking for a table to sit at. He spotted an empty table, and went to it. Once he was settled, he began eating his lunch - that is until a head with familiar blue hair came over. Jude gulped, dropping his gaze. There was silence, until there was a clearing a throat, and a quiet, "Jude?" Jude slowly brought his gaze up, until it was locked with those dark eyes that he dreamt about. Jonesy kept hold of the contact, "Look, Jude... we... we can't be friends anymore." Jude choked on his own breath. "W-what?" He squeaked out. Jonesy broke their eye contact, as he continued in a monotone voice, "We can't be friends. Dude, I'm not gay. I love Nikki!" Jude felt his heart stop. "B-but I...-" Jude tried to speak, but was interrupted, "Stay away from me, and the others." Jonesy finished before walking away, leaving a stunned and broken Jude to his despair.

It has been 5 hours since school ended, and Jude hasn't moved from his position on his bed. He just lay there, staring up at the ceiling, his eyes lifeless. _**'Stay away from me.'**_Jude replayed in his mind, over and over again. _'They hate me... they don't want to be near me... I have no one now.' _Jude slowly sat up, his hair falling loosely over his eyes. He brought his bandaged hand up, and began unwrapping it. It was repulsive looking – there were deep cuts all over his knuckle, palm and fingers. They looked infected; too bad Jude didn't care. He climbed to his feet, the bandage slipping from his fingers and to the ground.

He walked over to his dresser, where he signature hat was laying. He grasped it half-heartedly, recalling how he had always wore this. He wore this thing through everything. He forgot how he even got it! "Didn't I get this to hide my hair...?" he asked himself. He had always had long-ish hair, ever since he was little, and kids picked on him because of it. He frowned at the memory. "Maybe I should cut it... it's just in the way..." He mumbled, gripping the ends of his fringe in his fingers. He sighed, deciding he might as well. He scurried off to the bathroom, and grabbed the pair of scissors on the sink counter, before he grabbed his mother's makeup mirror. It was small and round, but it got the job done. Snip after snip, Jude finally finished. It was about the same length as Jonesy's hair, but it was still the same style he had previously, it was just shorter, and framed his face better.

Jude dragged himself out of the bathroom, and downstairs to the living room. He plopped down onto the couch, and turned the TV on, even though he wasn't paying attention. He was curious and terrified, thinking about how his parents would react if he came out. Would they treat him like his friends did, or worse?

Jude was curled up on the couch, flicking through channels when his parents came home. Once their eyes landed on him, they were speechless. "Jude... you cut your hair." His mother stated, as his father tilted his head at his son, "Why the sudden change? I thought you liked girlish hair." He spat rudely, but Jude just ignored the comment, "Change is good... isn't it?" He rang out in a monotone voice – the exact same tone Jonesy used when he said they weren't friends anymore. His father and mother raised their eyebrows, but moved on anyhow.

Jude winced suddenly at a sharp pain in his hand, and looked at it. It was pretty bad... it looked redder than before, and more aggravated. He dropped the subject though, when he parents called him for dinner. Jude had managed to hide his hand from them, by just keeping it under the table. They didn't seem to notice – Hah! Like they ever do. He grumbled out a 'thank you' before retreating to his bedroom, where he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	4. In deep shit

6Teen

CH. 4. In deep shit

Jude must have been in a deeper sleep than he originally thought, because when his eyes cracked open, and spotted the time, he flew out from under the covers. "Fuck, fuck , fuck!" Jude yelled out, hurriedly pulling his pants and shirt on. He went to grab his hat off his dresser, but stopped mid-action. _'I don't need it...' _A voice in his head whispered out. He shook his head, before sprinting out his bedroom and down the stairs. He threw his shoes on, grabbing his skateboard, and went on his way.

By the time Jude had gotten in the front entrance, he was already 20 minutes late. He quickly went to his locker, before scurrying off to class. He had English first. Sighing, he opened his classroom door, heading in. Every pair of eyes in the class turned towards him, and he felt like curling into a ball. He apologised for being late, and the teacher excused him. He went to his seat, and took his work out. He felt like he was being watched. He turned around, and stared at his classmates. They were looking at... his hair? _'Oh yeah! I cut my hair yesterday...' _Jude mentally face palmed, turning back around. The teacher passed around worksheets, before exiting the room to go to the Office. Everyone just left their worksheets and started talking. Since he had no one to talk to, Jude grasped his pen, only to drop it with a loud hiss. He held his hand with his other, squeezing his eyes closed tightly waiting for the pain to subside. Almost everyone shut up as he hissed, and turned to him. "Hey dude, you okay?" He heard someone say, but wasn't sure who – he's eyes were still closed. "Uh... yeah, just... hurt my hand is all." He replied quickly and quietly, before everyone went back to their own business.

Soon enough, the teacher came back, with a huge smile on her face, "Ok everyone! Listen up! Since you all are in your last year of high school, I decided it would be a marvellous idea to do a presentation in pairs on a subject of your choice!" Just as the words left her mouth, students were calling their friends' names, asking to be partners. "Wait now! I will decide the partners! Don't worry, I know who you all are friends with, so I'll make the pairs fair." Everyone groaned loudly, before she started announcing the pairs. Jude was praying to every God possible – He hoped he wouldn't be paired with any of his friends... well, ex friends. "Jude!" the teacher called, and his head shot up, "I will be pairing you with... Jonesy!" Jude's mouth dropped, as Jonesy shot his hand up, "Miss! I'm sorry, but can I have a different partner?" "No, Jonesy. You are with whoever I say, and that's final!" She scolded, just as the bell rang. Jude grabbed his things, and left the classroom. Just as he was about to head to his locker, a hand landed on his shoulder, and he yelped, turning to look at whoever it was. "Jonesy..." He started, but was beaten to the punch, "I'll come over to your house after school. Your parents aren't there, right? I want to get this done as quickly as possible." Jude felt his chest tighten, but he nodded none the less and Jonesy walked away.

The rest of the day was agony for Jude. Jonesy coming to his house? Just the two of them? He couldn't deal with that!_ 'What if I say something stupid, and make things worse?' _Jude sighed loudly to himself, and started making his way to the front gate. Once he got there, he noticed Jonesy leaning against the wall, a sour look on his handsome features. Jude gulped – This is going to be a long day.

The two of them walked back to Jude's place in silence. Neither of them spoke, nor looked at each other. Once inside, they both discarder their jackets and shoes before moving up the stairs to Jude's bedroom.

Shutting his door behind him, Jude watched as Jonesy went to his bed and sat down, taking his English book out, "What do you want to do the project on?" Jude panicked at the question, before squeaking out "I don't know..." Jonesy sighed, "We'll do it on English Poetry – that okay with you?" Jude just nodded, before he went over and sat down also.

They sat there working for a good few hours, until Jude finally built up some courage, "Do you hate me?" He asked loud and clear. Jonesy must have been knocked off guard, because his eyes widened slightly, "Can we just get this done?" He grumbled in reply, although Jude wasn't having any of it. "I asked do you hate me?" He asked again, and Jonesy growled, "Yeah, sure! I hate you! Now can we get this done?!" Jude clenched both his fists harshly, "Why!? Because I said I love you!?" He yelled, unaware that tears had forced their way from his eyes and down his cheeks, "Is it really that bad for me to say I love you?" He whimpered out, much to his dismay. "I told you I'm not gay! I love Nikki! And because of you she'll never love me back! I had our whole lives planned out, and you ruined it, like you do with everything! You're fucking useless!" Jonesy screamed at Jude, now standing. Jude sat there, staring at Jonesy in shock and with hurt eyes. Jonesy panted, fuming with anger, "That's why, Jude. You ruined everything." He said, his voice coming out much weaker and quieter, the previous fire drenched with sorrow. "...Why does everyone blame me? Why am I always the one who's at fault...?" Jude whispered out, the tears streaming down his cheeks. Jonesy was about to say something, but Jude, for once, interrupted, "Why can't anyone just give me a fucking break!?"

Jonesy stood there in shock, finally realising that Jude has always been blamed by everyone._ 'If I had taken the ring instead of giving it to Jude, this wouldn't have happened...no! If he had come earlier like everyone else, this wouldn't have happened!'_ Jonesy said to himself. They were both interrupted from their conversation when they heard the front door open, and slam shut. _'Great...' _Jude thought, wiping away his tears,_ 'Mom and Dad are home.' _

The sound of footsteps stomping up the stairs was heard, and soon enough, Jude's door swung open. His father was standing there, looking pissed. "Jude!" He yelled, walking over to the unlucky lad, "What the fuck did you do to the mirror!?" Jude looked down at his hand, which was looking badly infected, and painfully red. "... I punched it..." He mumbled out, and his father growled, "Well you better be willing to pay for a replacement, you fucking idiot." His father's attention then turned to Jonesy, "What are you doing here?" Jonesy gulped, "We're partners for an English project, but don't worry... I was just going. I don't want to hang around this fag much longer." As the words left Jonesy's lips, Jude knew he was fucked.

Jonesy reached over, grabbing his bag before quickly leaving the room. His father was silent and before he knew it, a fist collided with the side of his face, and Jude crumbled to the ground with a loud thud. "A fag!? You're a fucking fag!?" He father screamed, repeatedly kicking Jude in the side of the stomach. Jude just closed his eyes, and waited until he was finished.


	5. Broken

6Teen

CH. 5. Broken.

Pain is the only thing that Jude felt as he opened his eyes. He was on his side, laying on the ground. His body ached from the beating his father had given him the previous day. Jonesy and he had been working on their English project, just before they had a fight over whether or not Jonesy hated Jude. _'Turns out he does hate me...' _Jude slowly said to himself, as if the words were only starting to sink in at that moment. He could handle his parents, and even the rest of the world, hating him but not Jonesy... he couldn't bear to lose Jonesy, not after all they've been through.

'_I guess I know now what my parents think about me being gay...' _He thought bitterly. He didn't want them to find out! Jonesy just decided that blurting it out at the most inappropriate time would be okay. _'Maybe he wanted you to get beat up...' _A voice in the back of his mind told him. Jude just sighed to himself, pulling his bruised body up into a sitting position.

He tilted his head up, and looked over at the clock on his bedside dresser. _'6:08am... I might as well start getting ready for school...' _He said before he brought himself to his feet. He managed to drag himself out of his bedroom and to the bathroom. Once inside, he closed the door with a soft _click_, and then proceeded to strip his dirty and bloody clothes off, discarding them into the laundry basket beside the door. He began making his way to the shower, but in his painful stumble across the room, he noticed that the bathroom mirror had been replaced. 'WOW.'Is the only word that popped into his head as he stared at his reflection.

His face looked horrifying. His bottom lip was split, his eye was swollen and multi-coloured and not to forget the huge bruise going up the side of his face. As for his torso... God. He had bruises going up and down and back and forth all over his lower abdomen, and a huge bruise forming right under his rib cage. _'It's a fucking miracle if I didn't break at rib.'_ Jude sighed. "This is so fucked up..." He whimpered to himself, laying his face into his hands. He stood there for a few moments, regaining himself, before he continued his way over to the shower.

It'd be an hour since Jude had finished his shower, and had gotten dressed. He was downstairs, in the sitting room. He had turned the TV on in hopes that maybe it would distract him from the shit storm that just happened to be his life, but it didn't. Jude just sat there, on the sofa, thinking about everything – His parents, his friends, Jonesy, his life. Jude pushed the thoughts out of his mind, however, when he noticed the time. He managed to pull himself up, before getting his things. He then left the house, and started walking to school. He debated with himself whether or not he should take his skateboard, but he ultimately decided there was no point. He could barely walk, let alone skate!

Once Jude had gotten to school, he sighed in relief when he saw that everyone had already gone to class. Jude wasn't late, but he was very close to being late if he didn't hurry up. Jude was also relieved that he had decided to wear a hoodie; at least that way, he could keep the hood up and hide his face from the intruding eyes of his peers. Jude made sure that his hood was covering his face enough, before going to class. He had maths. That means a class with Caitlin, Jen and... you guessed it: Jonesy.

Jude made his way into the classroom, his head hung low. He didn't want anyone to notice his face, and interrogate him about why it was as fucked up as it was.

He went to his desk and sat down, before he took his maths book out. He brought his gaze up, and his eyes immediately locked onto the person that always made his heart race. He sighed, _'Everything happened because of me...it i__s__ my fault... it is my fault that Nikki and Jonesy didn't get back together. They would be happily engaged right now if it wasn't for me. _' He said to himself, _'Maybe it would be better for everyone if I wasn't here...'_ His thoughts were cut off, however, when his teacher appeared and began to teach the class – Not that Jude was listening, mind you. He was too busy internally weeping over his life.

Soon, but not soon enough, the bell rang and everyone began pouring out of the classroom, heading in the direction of their next class. Jude watched as Jonesy and Jen left together, and while Jude was placing his book back into his bag, Caitlin had popped up and was now staring at him. "Hey Jude..." She began gently and sweetly. Jude loved Caitlin. She was like a sister to him. He can admit that at times she can be a spoiled brat, but her hearts in the right place. Jude gave a small nod in reply, before Caitlin continued, "It's good to finally talk with you again. I know things got really messed up with Jonesy and Nikki and the failed engagement..." She trailed on before covering her mouth, "Oh! I'm sorry... I didn't mean to bring it up! I know it's a sensitive subject..." Jude sighed, "It's fine, Cait. I'm happy to talk with you again." Jude had tilted his head up to give a small smile to reassure her, but he immediately regretted it when a loud gasp escaped her lips. "Jude!" She shrieked, taking in his battered features. "What happened?! Who did that to you?" Jude felt his stomach churn. _'Shit.'_

Jude grabbed his bag, and hoisted it over his shoulder. "I better get going, Caitlin. It was nice chatting with you again." The words seemed to just flood out of his mouth, before he practically ran out of the room. Well, more like fast-wobbled his way out. Caitlin just stood there in shock, as she watched him leave. "I have to tell the others..." She whispered, worry filling her voice.

Once Jude was out of the classroom, he pushed and shoved his way through the crowd of pupils. _'Shit, shit, shit! She knows! What the hell am I going to do?!' _So many thoughts were filling his mind at once, that Jude lost track of where he was going. He somehow ended up in the restroom, and when the thoughts finally stopped attacking him, he came face to face with his own reflection.

Jude was lost. He felt and looked so broken. Jude couldn't believe that what he was staring at was himself. This is what he had come to. He had lost everyone he cared about. They hated him now. He caused all of them so much bother, and trouble. He ruined their lives with his presence. Jude felt as though he was staring into his own soul – his eyes being the gateway into the endless void which was his self-loathing. Somewhere deep down, Jude subconsciously knew that it wasn't his fault, and that he was falling into a never ending pit that would soon be the end of him. But right now, Jude didn't care. He didn't feel anything; the only emotion he felt was helplessness. Jude brought his hand to his hood, and pulled the fabric down. _'Who cares if they see me like this? I deserved the beating I got. I should have been there for Jonesy... I shouldn't have been a bother to my family... I deserved this...'_

The teacher was sitting at her desk, watching as her students worked together to get their projects done. She frowned, however, when she noticed that Jonesy was by himself. She was about to ask Jonesy where Jude was, but was cut-off when the door opened. Almost every single pair of eyes turned in the direction of the opening door – All except Jonesy, who had been busy trying to catch up on his research. He did, however, look up when a wave of gasps and 'Ohhs' filled the air. His jaw dropped.

Standing there in the doorframe was Jude. Jonesy felt his heart break at the sight in front of him, but what really crushed him inside was that Jude looked so _broken_, and it was _his fault_.


	6. This is a dream, right?

6Teen

CH. 6. This is a dream, right?

Jude could feel himself shaking. Here he was, standing in front of his whole class, in his beaten state. It felt as though his throat was tightly shut – he couldn't keep his breathing calm and steady. It came out in quiet, short gasps. _'C'mon Jude! You were expecting this... stop being a __wimp__!'_ The voice in his head yelled. Jude nodded to himself, before closing his eyes. He took a deep breath, _'You can do this.'_ Pulling his head up, Jude scanned his eyes over the shocked expressions of his classmates, _'...What? Why do they look so... stunned? They don't care.. d-do they...?' _

"Jude... are you alright?" A woman asked, and Jude turned his attention to his teacher, "Yes, ma'am. I'm fine." He replied. She nodded her head, and Jude took that as a pardon, so he began making his way to his seat. He felt so self-conscious, with everyone staring at him. Sure, he knew they would look at him, but he wasn't expecting _constant staring_. Once he sat down, Jude pulled his English book out, and looked at Jonesy. Jonesy was staring at him, and he looked... worried?

'_What the hell? First he hates me, and tells me we can't be friends anymore, but now he's worried? I can't believe him... why does my heart feel like it's fluttering, though?'_ Jude stares at Jonesy for a second longer, before clearing his throat, "So, the project..." He begins, but Jonesy ignores him, "Jude... what happened?" He asked, and Jude felt like slapping him. "Got beat up." Jude states simply. "Did your dad do that?" Jonesy asks quietly, and Jude gave him a small nod. "Yeah, he wasn't too pleased finding out his son's a faggot." Jude says bitterly. Jonesy felt like he'd just been slapped. _'Because of what I said, Jude got beat up...'_

"Jude, I'm-" He's cut off, as the bell rings, and everyone starts making their way out of the classroom. _'Quickly, say something Jonesy! Anything!' _"Jude, come over to my house after school. So we can work on the project." He says, the words tumbling out of his mouth. Jude looks at him before nodding, "Okay... see you at the front gate." He replies, before leaving the classroom.

Jude could feel his cheeks flush as he made his way to the canteen. Just a while ago, he couldn't feel anything but now... all his emotions were going crazy. He was confused, he was happy, he was nervous... he couldn't even think straight. Once he got to the canteen, he grabbed a couple of items, before he went looking for a seat. He spotted an empty table, and went to it, sitting down. He opened the packaging to one of his sandwiches, and started eating it. He glanced around, and frowned when he saw everyone chatting and laughing with their friends. _'I feel so lonely...'_

Suddenly, Jen, Wyatt and Caitlin were standing across from him. _'When did they get there?'_ He asked himself, confused."Jude..." Jen started, her eyes full of... sorrow? _'Why does everyone all of a sudden care about me?'_ He watched as they pulled the seats across from him out, and sat down. Wyatt cleared his throat, "Jude, I know that things have been rough with the whole Nikki thing, but... we still care about you, and we're sorry that we haven't been there for you." Jude was surprised. _'I didn't think this would happen... I thought no one would care...' _

Jen joined in, "Jude, what happened to you? Who did that to you? I swear, we'll kick their ass!" She exclaimed loudly, and proudly. Jude smiled. He actually smiled. _'God Jen, you were always the one to make me smile.'_ He thought. He sighed, and began telling the others about what happened; He told them that he and Jonesy were working on their project before they had a fight, that Jonesy mentioned 'Faggot' when Jude's father got home and that he beat Jude because of it.

They were outraged – They were absolutely appalled that Jude's dad could do that. "Jude, I'm so sorry!" Caitlin said with light tears in her eyes, and it made Jude smile even more, "It's fine, Cait. I'm okay." Wyatt clenched his hands into fists, "It's not okay! He can't just beat you because you're gay!" "I know, Wyatt. Trust me, I do, but... just drop it. Please." Jude begged, and Wyatt couldn't do anything but nod. "Thank you." Jude gave him a small smile. Soon, the bell rang and Jude stood. He said his goodbyes, before going to his next class. The day seemed to go by faster than usual, and before he knew it, Jude was walking with Jonesy.

The walk to Jonesy's house was agonising – Not only were they both silent, and it was awkward, but Jude's body was still aching. Jude tried to start a conversation, but after many unsuccessful attempts, he gave up. He gave a sigh of relief, however, when they arrived at Jonesy's house. They entered after Jonesy unlocked the door and Jude then began making his way up the stairs, with Jonesy behind him. "My mom and dad are at work, and Alicia is at her friend's house, so... it's just us." He mumbled awkwardly, and Jude scoffed to himself. _'Of course life would be a bitch, and leave me alone with him... God, this is so embarrassing...'_

Once in Jonesy's room, Jude tossed his bag onto Jonesy's bed before sitting down on the floor. He leaned back, resting his head on the soft mattress, and let a small moan escape his lips, "God, this feels nice..." He found himself saying. Jonesy could only nod, before he too sat on the floor, leaning back against his bed. Once again, silence filled the air. Jude closed his eyes, and felt his body ease as he listened to the sound of their breathing. Jonesy, however, took this opportunity to take in the damage done to Jude's face – And God... this was _his_ fault.

"...Jude?" Jonesy began, and Jude opened his eyes, "Yeah?" He replied softly, "Your dad... did he just hit your face?" Jonesy sheepishly asked, even though he already knew the answer. "No. He kicked me in the stomach too." Jonesy bite his tongue, feeling his guilt multiply by a million, "Can I see?" He whispered, and Jude could feel the blood rush to his face_. 'He wants to see the bruises? But he'll see me shirtless then...'_ Jude bit his lip. "Okay..." He whispered back, before taking his shirt off.

Jonesy covered his mouth, after scanning his eyes over the bruises, "Jude, I'm so sorry-" Jude cut him off, "Don't be. This was going to happen eventually, when he found I was gay." Jonesy was lightly stunned just hearing Jude admit it. Jude took a deep breath, "I've always had feelings for guys, since I was little. I've always had crushes on guys on my street, in my class... when I got with Starr, it wasn't real. I didn't have feelings for her. I was with her... just to be with her. I eventually couldn't take the lies anymore, so I told her. I told her I was gay..." Jude stopped talking as tears filled up his eyes. And then he smiled. "She hugged me. She told me she understood, and that she was there for me... she even made up a fake break up for us, so she could get with a guy she had a crush on, and so I could do the same."

Jonesy was absolutely speechless. He was just about to open his mouth, but was cut off when Jude looked at him. Staring right into his eyes, "I've loved you for a long time, Jonesy. Ever since we first met; I loved it when me and you played pranks on teachers, and when we tried to start our own band... you're the only person who ever made me feel loved. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't. I didn't know how you would react. And you were always with Nikki. Every time I met up with you, Nikki was there. And whenever she wasn't there, you always talked about her. I want to say it broke my heart whenever I saw her with you, or whenever you brought her up but I can't. I can't because I was fine-... I was fine with just being there... just seeing you smile, and seeing how happy you were... God, Jonesy, I'm so sorry! It's all my fault that you and Nikki didn't get back together – I ruined it! And I'm sorry I said those horrible things, I just couldn't stand it anymore! I've always wanted to have what you and Nikki had... I've always wanted you to look at me and to love me like you do with her... I'm sorry..."

Jude was sobbing, and Jonesy was shocked. He never knew the full extent of Jude's feelings, but now... he feels like a fucking asshole. He always blamed Jude for how things went with Nikki, but... it was his own fault. He shouldn't have gone back to Nikki after they broke up and he shouldn't have kept excusing how she treated him and the others.

Jonesy took Jude's hand in his, and pulled the younger to him. He wrapped his arms around Jude in a hug, and sighed, "Jude... I'm so sorry... I never knew you felt this way. And don't you dare blame yourself for what happened with Nikki! It was my fault... you were right – I kept going back to her like a wounded puppy. And I'm sorry about what I said at the mall, and I'm sorry I hit you. God, Jude! I'm sorry I fucked your life up!" Jude felt a flutter in his chest – Jonesy... didn't blame him. A smile formed on Jude's lips. "I'm so glad... I thought you hated me, and... I couldn't bare it..." Jude said gently, relief evident in his voice. "Don't be daft. I could never hate you." Jonesy whispered. "Jude... I love you." _'Wait... what?'_

Jude pulled back from the embrace, his gaze meeting Jonesy's, "W-what?" He stuttered, feeling his face flush deeply. "B-But Nikki... you love her..." Jonesy took a deep breath, before slowly letting it out. "I thought I did, but... Jude... when you first confessed to me, I was so confused. I was so focused on getting back with Nikki, that I was ignoring my feelings. But without her there, I was finally able to think. Even though I wasn't aware of it, deep down I _was_ in love. With you."

Jude was speechless, and he was pretty sure he was as red as a tomato. He opened his mouth to say something, but his mind was blank, "I-I..." He stammered. Jonesy smiled at him and Jude could swear his heart stopped for a second. He and Jonesy sat there, staring at each other for a few moments, before Jonesy brought his hands to Jude's face. He cupped Jude's face gently, and started to lean in.

Jude's heart was pounding, and his face felt so warm. His eyes shut, just as Jonesy's lips connected with his own. For Jude, it felt as though time had stopped and he was thankful – He never wanted this feeling to end.

After a minute or so, Jonesy slowly pulled back and rested his forehead against Jude's. They both smiled. "I love you, Jude." Jonesy whispered. "I love you too, Jonesy."

'_This is a dream, right?'_


End file.
